let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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