i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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