it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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