I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
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whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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