seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
