Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize