wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have tasted many bathrooms
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
