I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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