god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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