butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
