Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
