I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
