Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
