2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
