I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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