i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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