It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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