He kissed a someone with a penis
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
