Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
