In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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