it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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