either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
