Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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