I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
