Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
