I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
