Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
