Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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