It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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