waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Life is so much better after having sex.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
