Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
