My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
