i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
