the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
