Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
