What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
