i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The uberlube is also flammable
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
