If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
