I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
