somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
