Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
