YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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