I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
