that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
