its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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