My liver just broke up with me...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
