You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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