i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
