dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
