If that was your dad, he is hot
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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