pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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