I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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