I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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