Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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