i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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