I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
