those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
