how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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