Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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