Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
