just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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