I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
