officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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