i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
