i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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