i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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