It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
