a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
