Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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