i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
