dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
