:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911