her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.