I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.