No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm