OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she told me i tasted like america
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
