don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
