i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
