Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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