is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
