just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My hand turned me down
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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