Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
