More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
