your parents love me but you hate me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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