Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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