yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize